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oscar_pistoriusOscar Pistorius is a Paralympics legend (as you may have guessed from the above picture, he’s missing a couple of things). The man has taken home gold in several different running events over the years, and all whilst running in the T44 races. T44 races are normally reserved for single below knee amputees, but Oscar is a double below knee amputee, which means he should be in the T43 races. Actually, come to think of it, I don’t really know if he has an advantage or not, because of that. Maybe it would be easier to be running of two of those sticks, instead of just one? Personally, I need to know where to sign up for the three-legged races, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, Dear Reader, this is all beside the point. I just wanted you to have a bit of background information on this man, who has made, let’s just say, a slight error. Well, if you can classify shooting and killing your girlfriend a slight error. Maybe gigantic fucking disaster would be more accurate.

oscar_in_courtOscar’s case is in court now, and he has already admitted his guilt… kind of. He’s admitted to shooting and killing his girlfriend, smoking hot South African model Reeva Steenkamp, but his version of events is a little unusual. Oscar says he heard something go bump in the night, and he believed there was an intruder in the house. He says he was too scared to yell out, or turn on the lights, or any of that conventional bullshit. Instead, he leaped to the obvious conclusion that what he should do, is grab the gun that he keeps under his bed, go into the bathroom where the noise was coming from, and begin firing shots into the closed toilet door. A sample of Pistorius’ affidavit can be found here.

Such a waste of sexy.

Such a waste of sexy.

Dear Reader, I’m a married man. I understand that it may be a bit hard to act rationally when faced with the panic of someone breaking into your home while you are there, but that being said, if I was in bed and I thought I heard someone in the house, the first fucking thing I would do is check to see if my wife was OK. And also, why the fuck would an intruder be sitting on the toilet with the door locked? I have heard many a tale of people shitting in the toilet of the house they have broken into, due to nerves or whatever. But why would they bother locking the door, or even closing it? And if the intruder was in the toilet, Oscar had them cornered, with a FUCKING GUN! It didn’t cross his mind for one second to just say “I have a gun, identify yourself or I will fire” instead of just blasting away?

I suppose that this could have all been a tragic accident. It absolutely could have happened the way Oscar said it happened. But come on, folks, it seems pretty fucking unlikely. The story just doesn’t add up. I will concede that if Pistorius had some kind of mental deficiency, instead of just a physical ailment, then perhaps he would be stupid enough to fire bullets into a door before checking if his girlfriend was around. But two missing legs do not equal a loss of brain function. With Reeva Steenkamp now tragically deceased, I guess there’s only one person who really knows the truth.

So what do you think, Dear Reader? Do you think Oscar Pistorius has committed cold-blooded murder, or is he just an very unfortunate idiot? Hit me up in the comments below.