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aetherius_logoI had to reach a point in this series where I talked about a UFO cult eventually, and Dear Reader, that time is now. Let me introduce you to the fun of the members of the Aetherius Society.

The Aetherius Society was formed in 1955 (or 1954, the jury is out on that one) by a man named George King. Apparently, George King was practicing yoga when he developed psychic powers. He heard a voice (most likely a voice in his own crazy motherfucking head) that had this to say:

Prepare yourself! You are to become the voice of Interplanetary Parliament.

Of course, rather than immediately seek professional help for his obvious mental issues, he believed the voice that he heard was 100% real. A week later, a world famous swami is said to have appeared in King’s apartment. By “appeared”, I’m sure they mean “broke the fuck in”. The swami told King to form a group dedicated to helping the planet, and thus the Aetherius Society was starting to be born.

Now, the voices in King’s head didn’t stop at just saying “Prepare yourself!”, oh no. Through prayer and meditation, King began to receive telepathic messages from Venus, and apparently, started recording the messages that came to him from the Cosmic Masters. One of the Cosmic Masters he called, of course, Aetherius.

George King - founder

George King – founder

So that’s how the cult, sorry, “society” got started, but what about the belief system they follow? Well, they do believe in Jesus. Good start, Christianity is popular, so right on, go Jesus! What’s that? They believe in Buddah too? OK, seems a bit strange, but I guess it’s not so bad. Oh, and Krishna is in there too? Fair enough, there have been many societies in human history that have believed in many gods so… cool. Hold on, you have more? You think they were all aliens, that Krishna is from Saturn, and so on? Jesus Christ, give me a fucking break! I offended you by saying Jesus Christ? Well, shit, if you choose to believe in almost everything, it’s kind of hard not to offend you, so fuck…

Now apparently these beings don’t exist in our dimension. They’re actually on the same planets, but in another version of our dimension. And hey, Saturn is even the home of the Interplanetary Counsel! I couldn’t find photographic evidence of this, unfortunately, because I would be willing to bet my life savings, and hell, my cock and balls while I’m at it, that the Interplanetary Counsel does not exist! But if it did, I’d like to think it looks something like this…

SuperBestFriendsA goal of the Aetherius Society is to spread a message to humanity that we need to find better ways of living, or face the consequences that living our filthy ways will bring. We have already seen some of these consequences in the past, for example, the nuclear catastrophe at Chernobyl. But have no fear, because alien Jesus and friends can predict these horrific events before they happen! Sure, they predicted Chernobyl only 4 hours before it happened, and didn’t lift a green, freaky finger to do a fucking thing about it, but at least they were aware of it. Brilliant! If the members of the Aetherius Society are being told by aliens they have an important message to spread or else humanity will be doomed, why aren’t they trying harder? Where’s the door knocking? I’ve slammed the door on many a Jehovah’s Witness in the past, but I’ve never had one of these guys at my door.

If the members of the Aetherius Society fail in their duties to protect humanity, they believe that they will be called to sacred mountains, and then be rescued. I’m sorry, Dear Reader, but if they failed their task that they’re meant to be doing, why do they deserve to be saved? They should be punished for fucking up! Otherwise, they might as well sabotage the efforts of humanity to improve so they can be rescued, and taken to the paradise of Saturn of wherever the hell they think they’re going. At least Christians tell each other that suicide is a sin so they can’t off themselves and get an automatic pass into Heaven.

George King is referred to as a “Doctor” as members of the Aetherius Society, although what he’s done to actually be called a “Doctor” is a little hard to figure out. It’s said that he recieved his doctorate from the International Theological Seminary of California, where there’s no accreditation, and if they’re as lazy with the look of their website as they are with the validity of their degrees, then I wouldn’t really feel comfortable putting the word “Doctor” in front of George King’s name. Legendary skeptic, and god among men, James Randi, is more than happy to tell you that referring to George King as anything other than a moron, is bullshit.

Oh, James Randi, how I love thee...

Oh, James Randi, how I love thee…

It sounds like I’ve been shitting on the Aetherius Society, and I have, it can’t be denied. So you might be asking yourself why this would be listed as one of the awesome religions of the world. Well, any religion that believes that there are alien beings in another dimension helping to control humanity sound pretty awesome in my book. Oh wait, I forgot, Scientologists exist. Fuck the Scientologists, but these guys aren’t so bad. And they’ve got one thing right. Their motto really is quite beautiful:

Blessed is the Great Being known as the Galaxy

For further reading, please be sure to check out the Aetherius Society website, which has a fascinating FAQ, or you could always track down one of the many books that George King himself wrote, with names like Contacts with the God’s from Space, You Are Responsible!, and the brilliantly titled Jesus Comes Again, which is a brilliant title for a potentially very offensive porno.