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OK, so this one is more of a political organisation than a religion, but hey, it has “church” in its name, and this is my site, so I’ll run it how I want to. Thank you very much. Before I go any further, I’d also like to add that I use the word “awesome” to desribe this organisation loosely. Awesome in this context means interesting, and fascinating that such a thing exists, instead of awesome meaning I actually agree with any of this shit. Seriously, continue reading. These guys are fucked up. Now that we have that out of the way, we can get down to business.

The Church of Euthanasia (CofE, as I will refer to it from now on) was started in Boston, Massachusetts by cross-gendered techno musician Chris Korda. They have but one commandment: “Thou shalt not procreate”, and are guided by what they call “The Four Pillars”: suicide; abortion; cannibalism; and sodomy. Essentially, the CofE is a Malthusianist organisation, meaning that they believe our planet has an unsustainable human population, and their “Four Pillars” reflect their ideas on how we can address that. So let’s go into further detail on those.

1. Suicide
The picture above is of founder Chris Korda. The sign shows one of the slogans of the church: “Save the Planet, Kill Yourself”. They feel that suicide is a way to address overpopulation. The more people killing themselves, the less people there will be, right? It gets crazier than that.
2. Abortion
OK, this one’s not so bad. Abortion is a hot topic for many. Personally, I’m pro-abortion, whatever a woman wants to do with her own body, is nobody’s business but their own. Naturally, the pro-abortion beliefs of the CofE causes conflict between them and Pro-life Christian activists. As crazy as I find most of the shit that comes out of the mouths of pro-lifers, I never thought I’d find myself seeing them as less crazy than a group that is fighting against them. But the CofE is one of those groups.
3. Cannibalism
OK, this is where things start getting really fucked up. They suggest the consumption of human flesh as another means to restore the balance between humans and the rest of the species on Earth. Oh, but they do say that their practice of cannibalism “is strictly limited to consumption of the already dead“. Oh, that’s OK then. Wait, NO IT ISN’T! THAT SHIT IS FUCKING INSANE! If that’s not crazy enough for you, they even have a step-by-step guide on preparing the body for human consumption.
4. Sodomy
The CofE is an advocate of sodomy, because, as they put it, “sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation”. OK, straight-forward enough. They don’t want the population to increase, so this stops that from happening. No need to go any further than that.

So that pretty much sums up the main things you need to know about these guys, but trust me, that barely scratches the surface of the bullshit that the CofE has to offer. You can see from the pictures littering this article that they have an obsession with big, nutty slogans. More importantly, as these slogans demonstrate, they set out to intentionally offend. Perhaps their most famous example of this is a video the CofE released on December 11, exactly 3 months after the infamous attacks of September 11. The video, entitled “I Like to Watch” (which can be found here), is a music video that mixes footage of the attacks with hardcore pornography, and contains lyrics such as “People dive into the street / While I play with my meat” and “Now my hand’s all sticky / And I can’t find a rag / I guess I’ll have to use / The american flag”. Dear Reader, it doesn’t get much more disgusting and disrespectful than this.

Apparently, their website use to contain instructions how to commit suicide via asphyxiation using helium, but that had to be taken down after a woman used the instructions for what they were intended for, resulting in legal action. Not that the CofE would give a shit, considering they have this to say:

Of course you don’t have to kill yourself!  If you really want to, though,  wait until after you’ve joined the Church.  That way, you automatically become  a saint, without any additional paperwork.  Don’t forget to leave a note  thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate,  if you have one.

Members of the CofE also made an appearance on the one show that America’s stupidest citizens covet, The Jerry Springer Show, in an episode called “I Want to Join a Suicide Cult”. I found video footage of the appearance on YouTube, which you can check out below, but the original audio has been removed, so you can also read the transcript here, if you desire.

I strongly suggest reading all the shit these fuckers have on their website, if only to enjoy how unbelievably dated the layout is. They may be horrible, vile pieces of shit, but they are incredibly fascinating.